It's hard for me to admit, but I'm lonely. I don't understand why God has given me this life. My friends are all either married or in their 20's. I spend my evenings either working or home alone in front of the TV. Some days that's very depressing... today is one of them. It's Saturday night, I was so desperate for something to do, I practically invited myself to go out with some people from work... wait there was no practically about it, I invited myself. How wrong is that? "Oh so and so and I are going out tonight" -her "Where are you going? I want to go."-me After I came home from work and thought about it, that was so wrong of me to invite myself to go with them. Now neither one of them cared if I went with them, but the idea that I had to invite myself is thoroughly depressing. But it seems to be the only way for me to go out, people are going somewhere and I ask if I can go with them. I did it to my daughter last week, they were going to Bass Pro Shop, how fricken desperate is that! Just to get out of the house I ask if I can go to Bass Pro with them. Talk about desperate!
I never imagined I would be 47 and single. Some people would say that that's a great thing. It's not, I'm sure there are some very good aspects to being single... I just can't think of any at the moment.
I don't know why God has called me to be single all my life. I think I would be able to handle it better if I understood why. What reason is there behind it? Why did God have me cut all the ties to the few men in my life? I don't understand and to be perfectly honest, I don't like it. It has been over 5 months since I talked to Bob and every single day I want to talk to him. STILL! But I haven't, I've been a good girl except for the one IM wishing him a happy birthday.
I want God to either change my attitude about being single (and yes I have prayed for that) or bring a good man into my life (yes I've prayed for this as well). But here I sit, on my computer, lonely as hell on a Saturday night. :( This is one of my least favorite things to do!
I need a change and I need it soon!
Well, my friend, I am sure Joseph felt the same way while being in prison in Egypt...although, a little different problem, but, the important thing is, he stayed faithful and the Lord blessed.
ReplyDeleteOn another note...why don't you take up quilting again. At least you would be busy.
One more thing, don't feel guilty about inviting yourself places, I'm sure your friends love your company!