It's hard for me to admit, but I'm lonely. I don't understand why God has given me this life. My friends are all either married or in their 20's. I spend my evenings either working or home alone in front of the TV. Some days that's very depressing... today is one of them. It's Saturday night, I was so desperate for something to do, I practically invited myself to go out with some people from work... wait there was no practically about it, I invited myself. How wrong is that? "Oh so and so and I are going out tonight" -her "Where are you going? I want to go."-me After I came home from work and thought about it, that was so wrong of me to invite myself to go with them. Now neither one of them cared if I went with them, but the idea that I had to invite myself is thoroughly depressing. But it seems to be the only way for me to go out, people are going somewhere and I ask if I can go with them. I did it to my daughter last week, they were going to Bass Pro Shop, how fricken desperate is that! Just to get out of the house I ask if I can go to Bass Pro with them. Talk about desperate!
I never imagined I would be 47 and single. Some people would say that that's a great thing. It's not, I'm sure there are some very good aspects to being single... I just can't think of any at the moment.
I don't know why God has called me to be single all my life. I think I would be able to handle it better if I understood why. What reason is there behind it? Why did God have me cut all the ties to the few men in my life? I don't understand and to be perfectly honest, I don't like it. It has been over 5 months since I talked to Bob and every single day I want to talk to him. STILL! But I haven't, I've been a good girl except for the one IM wishing him a happy birthday.
I want God to either change my attitude about being single (and yes I have prayed for that) or bring a good man into my life (yes I've prayed for this as well). But here I sit, on my computer, lonely as hell on a Saturday night. :( This is one of my least favorite things to do!
I need a change and I need it soon!
